Kitty Flanagan - Musings

The recent phenomenon of underpant-free gals like Britney, Paris and Lilo all out on the town getting their flaps papped, got me thinking about the whole girlpower movement. I still don' t quite understand why wearing no underpants, or dressing like a hooker is empowering? Dressing up with everything out on show is fine with me... IF you'll just admit that you're doing it because you like lookin' slutty and because you're hoping to attract a bit of male attention! Nothing wrong with that girls, it's human nature, at the end of the day, we're all just a bunch of talking monkeys flashing our asses trying to get a mate's attention. Let's all stop deluding ourselves, getting your tits out is getting your tits out, it's not some kind of righteous feminist reclaiming of the female form - done for women, by women.

Anyway, I was so Inspired by this changing face of feminism that I got together with my sister Penny (my real sister, as in we have the same parents, not my sister - as in whooo! right on, we are sistahhs doin' it for the sisterhood!) and recorded this musical tribute.

Last night I watched a man on television being busted for smuggling cocaine. Turns out he’d swallowed 86 packets of the stuff before he got on a plane in Argentina. He arrived in Sydney some 12 hours later and the drugs, no doubt, would arrive...in due course.

Probably after a big bowl of muesli and few slices of high fibre toast. No wonder I’ve never been into drugs. I have a few basic rules I like to live my life by, one of which is, I don’t put anything up my nose that’s been up someone’s ass. A simple tenet but it’s served me well thus far.

If you have to tell someone you have a good sense of humour...odds are you don’t have one.

As someone who once owned a pair of knee high white stiletto boots covered in silver studs and who took their fashion inspiration from Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac for almost fifteen years, I don't feel qualified to comment on anyone's fashion sense .... that is unless they are over 25 and wearing leather trousers. In which case, I say stop it. Stop it now. Leather pants signal a major life crisis and are often accompanied by the urge to do all maner of stupid things such as sign up for Salsa classes. Many women harbour a crazy dream that Salsa will lead them to hook up with some fiery Latin lover and together they will dance off into the future. In reality however, there are only two types of men that attend Salsa classes. Sad, married losers looking to have affairs. And rapists.

My music knowledge is sadly lacking. So much so that when I was recently introduced to members of the critically acclaimed band Wilco, I commented that they were a lot younger than I'd expected. My friend kindly pointed out that I had Wilco confused with The Travelling Wilburys. Tragic really, especially as I'd waited all night to sing along with that fabulous Wilbury toetapper "Everything You Want".

Again, not my strong suit. In fact I would go so far as to say that I am socially retarded. Anyone who doesn't believe me obviously wasn't in the bar in New York when I tried to open a conversation with the classic party starter:
"So....do you like chips?"
He didn't, by the way. And that's pretty much all I found out about him. That he didn't like chips. Or women that start conversations with "do you like chips?"
However all I could think at the time was "Geez, who doesn't like chips? Man he's odd."